Quotes and Jokes
A page for jokes, quotes and a bit of fun to inspire, motivate, and entertain you. If you have any jokes or quotes you’d like to see on this page, head over to LinkedIn and let us know for a chance to have your ideas featured.
“Worrying does not take away tomorrow’s troubles, it takes away today’s peace.”
“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing”
“Building a good customer experience does not happen by accident. It happens by design.”
“I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today but I couldn’t find it.”
“Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning.” – Bill Gates
“When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.”
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde
Motivational Quotes for Work
“Success isn’t always about greatness. It’s about consistency. Consistent hard work leads to success. Greatness will come.” —Dwayne Johnson
“Motivation will almost always beat mere talent.” —Norman Ralph Augustine
“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” —Wayne Gretzky
“The only thing standing between you and outrageous success is continuous progress.” —Dan Waldschmidt
“Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.” -Earl Nightingale
“Always do your best. What you plant now, you will harvest later.” —Og Mandino
Motivational Quotes
“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”— Malala Yousafzai
“If you don’t like the road you’re walking, start paving another one!”
— Dolly Parton
“Spread love everywhere you go.”— Mother Teresa
“Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud.”— Maya Angelou
“Not having the best situation, but seeing the best in your situation is the key to happiness.”— Marie Forleo
“We generate fears while we sit. We overcome them by action.”
— Dr. Henry Link
“If you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”— Roald Dahl
“Wake up determined, go to bed satisfied.”— Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson
“Weaknesses are just strengths in the wrong environment.”— Marianne Cantwell
“The power of imagination makes us infinite.”— John Muir
“Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add colour to my sunset sky.”— Rabindranath Tagore
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” Oscar Wilde
“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.” ― Elbert Hubbard
“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” ―
Funny Quotes / Jokes
“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” — Jack Handey
“I get plenty of exercise – jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.”
“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”
“My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.”
—Rose (Betty White), The Golden Girls
Jokes and Quotes
“What does a computer drink on a night out?” “Screenshots.”
“Don’t use ‘beef stew’ as a computer password. It’s not ‘stroganoff’.”
“Whoever said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again is insanity has obviously never had to reboot a computer.” – William Peterson
How do you organize a space-themed office party? You “planet” carefully!
What did the clock do when it was hungry? It went back four seconds!
Why was the memo always so serious? Because it had too many important points to make.
What’s a computer’s favourite snack during office hours? Microchips!
What’s a photocopier’s favourite food? Paper jams!
Why did the office chair apply for a promotion? It wanted to be the “chair-man” of the board.
Why did the HR manager bring a ladder to work? To help employees reach their career goals!